November is almost gone, and with it the “official” Fall becomes Winter. It has been a bit chilly for Oregon in the last couple of weeks, but I love it. Waking up in the morning is not easy due to the comfort of down comforter (I suppose hence the name). But as the smell of freshly brewed coffee fills the apartment the comfort all of the sudden extends to the outside of the bedroom. I recently got a fancy coffee maker that allows me to set the time when the coffee will start brewing. Indeed the best thing since the sliced bread. After the coffee and the first cig of the day, I can function and walk the beastie so he can get comfortable by not holding a certain something from the night. That’s when the cold feels wonderful as I am all bundled up in a scarf, hat, and gloves. Often this walk is accompanied by a wonderful fog. At times you cannot see but 10 feet before you. Mysterious starts of the day are the best.
I wish for the snow, for wonderful, clean whiteness enveloping the ground and the trees. Maybe this year I will get my wish. Besides, if it snows we get a free day off work which is also a benefit. Work is slow. Time is dragging. It’s the end of the semester and everyone is settled in problems past. My own class will end soon (how I wish it was sooner!). I am tired of graduate work and very ready to get that piece of paper that validates my knowledge and experience. An expensive piece of paper. I hope I can push through the last three courses that are left before the finish line. It makes me uneasy as I am insecure in my abilities. Some say I have no reason to be but the imposter syndrome says otherwise. I have a pretty bad case of it. Lately, I’ve been thinking of changing my profession entirely. But it is harder to do as you age. Not because you are unable but because no one wants older people as starters. I often wonder how other people do it (and there is plenty that I know). I miss graphics and web design and pretty much disillusioned, burned out, and tired of working for Higher Ed institutions. To combat that, I am creating new patterns and rituals that have nothing to do with work and don’t open my computer at night or on weekends. Instead, I read and do art which at the moment reached a stagnant stage of transformative time when I know requires a change in direction. That is exciting to me more than anything else. On that note, I will complete the 20 lines today.