Wednesday

6.23.21

winter

It is supposed to be 113F this Sunday. In a city encased in concrete in reality it will be even hotter. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have an air-conditioner and I have to walk my dog at least two times because I don’t have a backyard. I am not overly worried about morning walk as temperatures will be cooler but I am mortified about the second one that takes place when the temperature is at its peak. The concrete sidewalks will definitely burn his paws. I absolutely don’t know what to do and I am a bit scared for his well-being. Back in the apartment, it will be an oven as well. The only respite I have is my car that I can drive around with the air conditioning turned on just to cool off. But I cannot drive all day. I was thinking that maybe I’ll go to the coast but everyone in the city will probably get the same idea and the roads will be congested. It is not pleasurable to sit in the car for 3 hours each way just to go on a 1.5-hour hike. So, yes, I am in dire straights here. The heat is on my mind as a focal point at this time for my existence. Needless to say, I am worried.

There is not much to report otherwise. I stray away from reading the news and I am happier for that. I don’t need more negativity in my life. I am negative enough myself. Additionally, I constantly feel like an imposter at work because all the cool things I did just too cool to be made by me. So is life. Just have to get through it and maybe if I come out on the other side it might seem real, authentic, and plausible.

To be honest I want to quit my job altogether… Just tired of the same shit for many years. That’s academia for you. Totally predictable and in many ways unbearable. I am not an academic even though I work at a university and the fact that academics can bullshit about something that can in reality amount to two sentences drives me bananas. An hour meeting can be a 15 minutes meeting if the bullshit can be cut. But alas, my boss is an academic so I have to suffer and bite my tongue with suggestions to cut the meeting short because everyone really got the point before numerous constructed bullshit and I mean REALLY. So, I have to waste my time. The time that I will never get back. Besides, I am bored. I am bored with my job and the routine it follows. I don’t think anything is wrong with it. Just part of life. The boring days are necessary to recognize the non-bored days. It is truly the opposites that you always have to have in your life in order to live it fully. And the only “wasted” time that I value is watching documentaries on different subjects and Russian movies in Russian as they keep my Russian up to date and I can converse with my sister better. That is putting a positive spin on it.

Anyhow, the desert temperatures are coming. So in summary, my apartment is going to be hot as hell. It would be dangerous to walk outside but I will have to do it anyway for the sake of my dog and I don’t know what awaits me tomorrow. That is pretty a gist of it for today. Tomorrow might be different but tomorrow is tomorrow and not today. Tick-tick.

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