Talking to my sister is a horrible excruciating experience. I don’t even know how to describe it. It is innate and she wants to talk for hours about her shitty life in a town that is full of radiation and people get cancer. Both my mom and she had cancer. My mom passed because of it. But she is in remission. I have no patience for that. I propose for her to move somewhere else but it will never happen. There are always excuses. And I don’t want to talk about fucking boots she bought. I have no idea how it will continue to talk about her boots. I don’t like her. I never grew up with her. She is a stranger who I don’t like. But I endure mainly because she is my sister (even if it is just on paper). I don’t know what to do. I am in hell.
After my drinking relapse after a month of not drinking, I am back to quitting again. Today is day 1 and I am craving it tremendously. Many articles on the net talk about identifying your triggers and changing routine which unfortunately for me is not possible. I am locked into my schedule. My trigger is being bored and feeling unsure of myself, and my job, and naturally, talking to my sister. I have no idea if I’ll have the willpower to quit. But I want to. It was becoming a problem. My goal is to become a social drinker: a glass of wine I can share with friends whenever we meet and then don’t drink at home at all. I am nervous that it would not be possible and I would break and buy a bottle for home. Will see how it all goes tomorrow. One day at a time.
I think my doggo is growing old and slowing down (well, he is 11 years old)… If before he could go for hours walking and hiking, now 1:30 is wiping him out and he is taking a very long nap afterward. Poor baby. I already dread the day of you know what. I think after that I might take a break from having a furry companion for a bit. I want to travel which is now not possible as I cannot leave my dog in the care of strangers no matter what their reviews say on Rover.
That’s it for today.
Over.
