Today’s task was to “take the book’s test to determine if I am a psychopath.”
According to the book if you score 40 pts you have to immediately surrender yourself to the police. Hopefully (fingers crossed) I won’t fall into this category. Here are the test and the results:
1. Glibness/superficial charm — had to look up what “glibness” means. The definition had smoothness amongst negatives. I always thought of myself as a smooth operator in certain circumstances (especially to people who are assholes or fake) so I give myself – .5
2. Grandiose sense of self-worth — not a chance. I am super insecure due to being 6’1 and being made fun of in Russia (enduring childhood memories). – 0
3. Tendency to boredom/need for stimulation — this one is somewhat true. I do get bored sometimes, especially since my days are all the same. However, I read if I get bored so that should cancel out the point. – 0
4. Pathological lying — well, I am writing a short story. Do fantasies count as lying? Not sure in this respect thus giving myself – 0.5
5. Cunning/manipulative behavior — Nope (unless my friends think so). So I am giving myself a – 0.
6. Lack of remorse — this is a tricky one. I answer “fuck you” to assholes. For example, I once got into argument with some dude about Trump at a dog park. It ended with him saying, “Go back to where you came from.” Naturally, I responded with “Fuck you.” No remorse there. I did wonder however if he meant Trader Joe’s which I came from before bringing Opee to the dog park. So, I give myself a 1.
7. Shallow affect — not sure what this means. it is 0 then.
8. Lack of empathy — I cry at sappy Hallmark movies. Does that count as empathy? If so it is 0.
9. Parasitic lifestyle — I am super independent and don’t latch on to anyone like some mushrooms to a tree. 0 it is.
10. Poor behavior/control — well, I cannot resist a good glass of wine with dinner. I guess that might count as a poor control. Vices are the best. They make your life more bearable even though I don’t want life to win (especially the negative one). Nicotine included. — 1 for sure.
11. Promiscuous sexual behavior — I wish. 0.
12. Behavior problems early in life — at 12 years old I wanted to run away from home. My parents said, “Go ahead. We will give you 5 rubles for a week.” Upon reflection of 5 rubles buy you fuckle I decided to stay home as my father would bring a block of black caviar as his military ration and I would eat in by spoon fulls. You kind of can’t beat that. So, now, if I go to a Russian restaurant and see a $300 tag on a caviar dish (like the one in Chicago) I am appalled. They could join the Russian military and get it for free. Of course that comes with drawbacks as you might be drafted to invade other countries… so I give myself .5
13. Lack of realistic long-term plans — this one is bullshit. When psychopaths kill they prepare beforehand. At least according to movies. – 0.
14. Impulsiveness — totally me. I do things on impulse all the time. For example, I go hiking at any time I feel the impulse. So I give myself .5 on the account that it is not malicious.
15. Irresponsible behavior — I include eating pizza every day for dinner. That’s pretty irresponsible for your cholesterol levels which we all know leads to other problems like diabetes. So 1 it is.
16. Failure to accept the consequences of actions — without explanation – 0.
17. Many marital relationships — was married once. Never again. I would like a partner but not his last name (although this is not mandatory anymore. We don’t live in the 50s). – 0
18. Juvenile delinquency — Got me there. When I was 16 I was doing a game of caps (where you have to guess where the ball is) on the black market to make some extra money. I started as a decoy and worked myself to the next level. I think this counts. 1 it is.
19. Callousness — not me. I do have passions (art is being one of them and reading another. Ah, and of course, there is jazz (the “Blue Note” record label (I collect them. So if you are ever inclined to give me a present get the Blue Note LP.)) So that is definitely a 0.
20. Criminal versatility — I wish. I would like to be a robber of high-end paintings. I would like to jaywalk (which I do sometimes). And break my lover out of prison (provided I had one there. But this is influenced by Count Monte Christo. He broke himself out of prison but I think if he had my help it would have happened sooner). Because it is wishful thinking I give myself a 0.
Here is a tally — 4.5. Yey! I don’t have to surrender myself to the police and it is something. I will remain Tatiana and stay in the Pacific Northwest where not many psychopaths leave due to heavy rains.
1.4.23
