Today’s task was to prepare for the world’s end. According to “Church of Holy Rapture,” the world’s end will happen at midnight Israeli time. Which means 2 pm PST. It is 2 pm on the dot as I write this task. I had to make all the necessary preparations. However, if I am still alive after 2 pm I have to write a complaint email to Bud Kramer at kramer89@hotmail.com (does Hotmail still exists?) to demand compensation for the trauma. Needless to say, the email went off as I am still alive and all my preparations went to shits. Here is how I prepared: since it’s the weekend still I got copious amounts of champagne at Trader Joe’s (I am on the budget) and proceeded to drink it (needless to say I am pretty tipsy right now). I got a tasty prime-rib steak for my Opee. Today is a laundry day so I simply gave up and did not put anything in the washing machine. Did not take a shower either because who cares if you are clean entering the apocalypse. I had the urge to write a “goodbye” email to everyone and warn them about the upcoming dread. But it might have been misconstrued so I abolished that notion. Instead, I proceeded to watch Gray’s Anatomy to get my fix. So, that’s about it… So I am now in a process of writing the damn email. Here is what I came up with:
“Dear Bud. You are a false prophet. I spend a lot of time preparing for the world’s end and nothing happened. Now I have to do all these things while tipsy. Not the best outcome. This really did a number on my regular routine and scarred me for life. I demand payment for my distress in the amount of 1 million dollars or I will take you to court. Please send the check for my psychological damages (address included). Sincerely, Tatiana.” Now all I can do is await the payment. Upon receiving the payment I am prepared to quit my job and live on the interest. Which means I can solely devote my life to adopting more doggos and doing art. Wish me luck!
