One week sober. It is not as bad as I thought it would be. I only crave wine in the evenings and get anxious. Anxiety sucks. During the day I drink a lot of coffee instead and chew a lot of Nicorette. Somehow it brings down the craving. Hope it will continue not to be so bad.
The weather is still shitty. Super hot. Walking my dog is horrible and I am afraid that he will get heat blisters from hot pavement. But I have to walk him for a long time. I have no choice. But at home, it is pleasant and cool. So at least there is a respite.
Work is slow still and during the day I read a lot in between occasional emails with cries for help. Had a staff meeting and my horrible insecure person took my credit. It was shitty and I was so appalled that I could not come up with a good response. Of course, I came up with it after the fact and it was too late. Why does it always happen that you come up with it later and not at the moment? I would look for another job if not for the health insurance: my premium is very low and I don’t pay a cent for any doctor visits or meds (one of my meds is $4,000 a month). There is no other job that will have health benefits like that. But who knows, maybe one day it will simply become unbearable and I will have no choice. There are a lot of jobs in my field. The only problem is that I am getting older and it is possible I won’t be hireable anymore. As things stand right now I just keep telling myself, “health insurance” under my breath every time I have a horrible interaction or them taking my credit.
One of my dear friends moved to Illinois from Alaska. She is going to be miserable there but says she will do until her parents are gone and will move back to Alaska. I wonder if I ever will. If I do, it will be probably back to Fairbanks to a small dry cabin in the woods where I can live comfortably on my retirement as cabin living is cheap compared to owning a house or renting.
I am thinking meanwhile to renovate my condo. I will probably do it kitchen and bathroom for sure and replace carpet everywhere. It will take some saving money and sometimes I wonder if it is worth it as I live alone and it really does not matter to me much. But it would be nice to have a place I want and be comfortable there (not that I am not comfortable…).
Anyhow, that’s all for today. Over.
