Today’s task was “Homeless Day.” I was supposed to sit in a preferable corner with a sign of what I am begging for. Seeing how it is still a weekend I was able to do it without feeling guilty for begging while doing my well-paying job. Here are my choices: 1. Used to be a taecher (I assume it is…
Today’s task is to Public Ridicule Day. Here are the things I did: 1. Whistle the theme of “Chariots of Fire.” 2. Mistake someone for a celebrity (yes, I got a Pamela Anderson one on my walk with Opee. 3. Let your ice cream fall out of the cone (Thank you Starbucks for the substitute of the ice cream!) 4.…
Today’s task was to answer spam e-mails. I have plenty in my email (usually dating for seniors). However, I got this one today: “Make your penis huge.” Go figure. I guess whoever bought my info from hackers thought “Tatiana” was a male name. Here is my response: “Thank you for this wonderful opportunity. I don’t have one (although I wish…
Today’s task was to “learn to tell one joke properly.” The joke: ” -How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb? -Don’t be silly. Elephants cannot change lightbulbs!” So, I was practicing on Opee who was turning his head left and right while listening to me enunciate. Then he became disinterested and rolled on his back for…
Today’s task was to “memorize answers to the following questions:” 1. What do you call little plastic things on top of the tip on your shoelaces: Aglets (I plan to use them in casual conversation) 2. Why do you never see baby pigeons: They grow up too fast (makes sense. You also don’t see their nest. Very careless to breed…
Today’s task was “forget the practicalities: decide what you really want out of life.” Here are my wants: 1. To be a queen of Lombordy (I know totally random but I like the sound of Lambordy. although Milan sounds good too). 2. My enemy’s head on the plate (I cannot reveal my enemy but trust me he deserves it). 3.…
Today’s task was to “ensure your best features.” This is what I thought to ensure: Nose (cute) — value $5,890. Premium $54.03 a month (surely I can afford it since I don’t have a car payment and it is less than I pay for a car monthly). Smile– Value $1,545. Premium $23 a month (totally doable provided I can do…
Today’s task was to “stalk an animal.” So, this one was easy as I have a stray cat living behind my building. Opee and I go there sometimes on walks as he loves cat poop and keeps me on my toes recognizing when he looks for cat poop or tries to find a spot to pee on. Anyhow, because of…
Today’s task was to “order something off-menu.” Here were my choices: 1. Sauteed foie gras with yuzu-wasabi-soy vinaigrettete. 2. Baby octopi with lavender-smoked berlotti topped with caviar. 3. Siberian scallops on a bed of crispy mango-dipped noodles. 4. Peasant-style roast poussin with jus d’escargot and tomato concassee. Since all sounds like something French will do (although #2 sounded more Italian)…
Today was a “Reverse Brainwashing Day.” I was supposed to return them to their originators. I did it by mail. Here are the thoughts I used: 1. Ambition is good: Return to father. 2. Sex is dirty: Return to mother. 3. My inner problems are interesting to others: Return to Freud. 4. Love is all that matters: Return to pop…
